Dating a man who is separated but not divorced

My divorce is amicable and I maintain a good relationship with my ex.

There’s no love there though, we’ve clearly moved on. I have my stuff together…own my own place, pursuing an MBA, good job, do the best for my kids, and I’m in a good place right now.

On the other hand, you’re still legally married and some ties are still there.

Some relationship experts counsel never dating while separated but not divorced.

You can’t date until you’re both sure it’s over and you’re not harboring a secret desire to get back together. You need some time and space to fall in love with yourself again first and foremost.

You might not want to talk to your ex about your current dating plans, but if you’re not divorced yet it’s the most honest thing to do. Factor in a little pamper time or even a weekend break here and there to give yourself time to heal. If you’re still hoping to get back together with your partner, or still dealing with a lot of sadness and bitterness surrounding the separation, you’re not ready yet. It’s a huge step, and it’s only natural to feel some hesitation.

I’ve recently met someone and we’ve fallen pretty hard for each other. Plus, she’s totally hung up on the fact that he said he was divorced on OKCupid. For reasons more pragmatic than principled, I am opposed to people dating before they are divorced.

Read this email I received from a reader who is having problems in online dating because he is separated–not officially divorced.

You see, I separated from my ex two years ago, and our divorce was final about eight months later.

Simply put, dating has a zero percent chance of making a divorce go smoother, and a bazillion percent chance of making it more contentious. I get that Ben has been separated for a couple of years, and that it was his wife’s decision to move out. Ben will be preoccupied with the twists and turns of his divorce at times – and that’s understandable.

What I’ve noticed is that no woman seems to want to touch me with a 10 foot pole because I’m ‘separated.’ My divorce is pending and will be finalized in September (it’s written better in the profile).

One woman proceeded to tell me “recently divorced people are somewhat unstable emotionally”.

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